My Alexander Skarsgard

Oh hello there Mr. Big Guy. I miss you my big, viking vampire.

Sometimes the things that we want the most are the things that we dont and cant get, so I guess we just have to make do of what we have and let go of all the desires to get the things that we covet so much.

If it’s really meant to be ours, then sooner or later it will be indeed ours.

Wait and be patient. Dont ask too many questions coz it will only make you anxious. Try to see in God’s eyes.

Dont cry and fret. God has his own reasons why you’re not given the things you want now.

Maybe it’s still not time yet.

Or maybe you deserve something else. Something great. Something much much better than what you’re asking for.

So wipe that doubt in your mind and smile. He has plans.

I am still waiting patiently.

We are still waiting patiently.

have you ever tried reading interviews of famous celebrities in magazines with the questions like: how do you maintain your figure? or what’s your diet secret? with their answer stating that they are naturally thin or that its okay to eat huge amount of chocolates or cakes just as long as you exercise or that they lost all their all the pregnancy fats in less than a month because they breastfeed.

One word that I have for them? BULLSHIT.

Seriously, who the fuck are they kidding? Quotes like this is one of the reasons why girls binge or starve their selves because if pregnant celebrities can lose weight in less than a month why cant we? We tried losing the fucking pounds  by eating 1/2 cup of rice in a day or apples for lunch instead of the usual rice/bread/potato-meat/fish-veggies. We tried everything from slimming teas to 2 hours of workout in a day and yet, we are never thin enough. For a change, they should admit that they paid millions of bucks to suck the fats out of their bodies, or that they pay  (6-month worth of common working people’s salary) personal trainer to train them in their work-outs in their own gym or simply admit that they binge and purge that’s why they are as slim as a flag pole.

i’ve never been a fan of dieting. its just not me. i dont want to constrict myself in eating 2 pcs of dried carrots or 8 pcs of prunes per meal or to not be able to eat ice cream or chocolates. i have always favored eating a full cup of rice, a hearty serving of veggies and some fish or meat with a bite or two of my favorite dessert which is mostly sweets.

I myself am naturally thin. In fact I was always underweight since highschool and maintained my weight in college at 100lbs-105lbs. I am now at my heaviest at 117lbs and I never felt so big in my life. I know that the ideal weight for 5′3 female is 104 – 127 lbs. but still, 117lbs for me is simply to big since Im used to being 105-110lbs. But time and gravity is really a girl’s enemy. AFter being pregnant twice (I didnt give birth but I’ve undergone the usual changes) my body was never the same. My waist got wider and so are my thighs. No matter how I hold on on the body that I used to have, gravity and those mandatory changes occurs. The only thing left to do to fight obesity is to simply eat right and exercise.

Girls have always been in a never-ending battle with weight. Even confident celebrities are having some “fat day” feeling once in a while. Remember Karen Carpenter? The very famous singer with the angelic voice and the happy family and a great career not to mention the millions of dollars in her bank account? Well, its common knowledge that she died of anorexia nervosa. It simply shows how some girls weight affect their mentality.

Nobody wants to be fat. Im not happy with my bulging tummy or my slightly meatier arms or my huge thighs (though i swear, this morning while jogging, a pretty lady told me i have nice legs, and i am complaining that my thighs are too huge and my cellulites are far too much for my poor legs.). I am complaining a lot and I try my best to lose them by jogging every morning from Pedro Gil baywalk to CCP circle (is that the name? The one near StarCity?) and back again to Pedro Gil and I’m hoping that my hardwork will pay off sooner or later.

I know my thoughts are a bit scattered. I guess I’m losing my writing mojo. Being stuck at home (my own choice) makes me lose my ability to write. But bottomline is, all of us get fat. we eat too much food and we get fat. we skip meal and we get fat. we dont exercise and we get fat. we are naturally thin but as we age, we get fat (except maybe for the few lucky ones). we maybe thin when we are stress but eventually we’ll get fat. so i guess, we should love our body no matter how we look. we should definitely try our best to look good and to keep on being healthy and never believe in the quote “YOU WILL NEVER  BE TOO RICH OR TOO THIN” because most of the time, being sexy is seen on how we carry ourselves and how we let other people see us. So keep that chin up and strut what you got, because seriously, confidence is sexy.

I’ll gather my thought and rewrite this article once my head clears up.

(more on this topic later)

So I am officially work-less (but not necessarily worthless) human being that exists by sucking the money out of my husband’s jeans pocket.

Since being officially unemployed since December 1, all I do is read books, cook and eat. And yes, I am pudgy now. In less than a month I gained 7 pounds from the usual 110lbs. (I used to be 110lbs before I got married, then when I got pregnant the second time, my weight stayed at 115.  My ideal weight is 115 but being 115 makes me feel fat so imagine what I am feeling now that I am 117!

So to make me feel better about myself, I am jogging daily and hopefully I’ll lose the extra pounds and be back to having that banging body that I used to rock back in the day.

So anyway, enough of the self depreciating comments. Here’s some self-depreciating photos of me instead hehehe

That’s me at 105lbs before getting married.

See how thin I was? I will eat a rubber to have my pre-marriage body back hehehe

From having a nice ass to being a fat ass.

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Now this is my body at 1st year of marriage. To be fair, I didn’t know I was pregnant during that time.

This is me at 115lbs. My supposed ideal weight according to the nutritionist but I feel fat nonetheless

Good thing I have white armpits :p

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And this is me now. Photo taken last Sunday, December 13. And yes, I am not wearing any bikini since this is a baptism and you’re not supposed to wear bikinis at church. Maybe at the reception, but not inside the church hehehe

I have a round-shaped face that’s why when I gain pounds, you can really see it in my cheeks. Fat cheeks are cute when youre 5 years and below but its not cute when you’re a married 27year old.

See how fat my legs and arms are?The parents of the baby must’ve have been thinking that I’m about to eat their spawn!

Well, you can read captions right?

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Anyway, seriously, I have to get in shape not because I feel like shit but because I want to be healthy again. I maybe fat but I am very happy and having my pre-marriage body back is just a bonus. (But when I reach 130 lbs, well that’s another story hehehe)

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"…mas marami pa s’yang alam kesa sa nakasulat sa Transcript of Records n’ya, mas marami pa s’yang kayang gawin kesa sa nakalista sa resume n’ya, at mas mataas ang halaga n’ya kesa sa presyong nakasulat sa payslip n’ya tuwing sweldo." – ABNKKBSNPLAko??

Nakita ko lang tong quote na to sa isang thread para kay Bob Ong. Natuwa lang ako kasi sobrang ganda nya. Hindi naman kasi talaga masusukat sa mga grades sa TOR mo kung sino ka. Hindi porke naka uno ka sa class card mo sa Algebra nung first year ka ay mabuti ka ng tao. Hindi porke naka singko ka sa Rhetoric mo nung second year ay hindi ka na makakakita ng magandang trabaho. Hindi porke sumusweldo ka ng P30,000 sa isang buwan ay magaling ka na o mabuting tao ka na. May kakilala akong may mataas na sweldo pero ubod ng sama ng ugali (pati na din ng itsura!). Dapat din nating tandaan na yung kakayahan nung taong nasa loob ng opisina na tumatawag sa kung saan-saang bansa sa Europa para magtanong kung tama ba ang email address nung taong tinatawagan nya ay hindi nasusukat sa kung ilan na ang taong natawagan nya, o kung ilan na ang taong nambagsak ng telepono sa kanya.

Nakakalungkot lang minsan dahil sa bansa natin, ang iniisip ng nakakarami ay kung wala kang diploma, wala ka na ding mararating, minsan masakit dito, iniisip nila na wala kang diploma = wala kang alam!

Hindi naman ako tamad mag-aral nung elementary/highschool ako. Siguro nung college na lang dahil wala naman akong kahilig-hilig sa computer o kahit man lang ka interes-interes sa math. Kung pera ang pag-uusapan, kahit na ikalugi ko pa, talagang hindi ko makukuha ang square root ng 500 ng walang calculator. (O kahit man may calculator, hindi ko pa din kayang kunin!) Kaya kong sabihin sayo lahat ng pangalan ng mga backstreetboys pero kahit anong pilit at piga mo sa kin, hindi ko kayang i-differentiate o kaya i-integrate ang 2x-5xyz(3/4y)to the second power.

At oo, kaya ko mang pigilan ang pag-iyak ko sa mga pelikula ni Ate Vi o ni Maria, pero hinding-hindi ko mapipigil ang pagpatak ng luha ko pag nakakakita ako ng mga words na sine, consine, tangent at co-tangent! At pwede ba wag na wag na wag na akong papagawain ng mga flowchart na yan??! Hindi naman kasi kailangan yan para pumunta sa palengke at bumili ng pang sigang diba?!

Sinasabi nila na kung hindi ka naka-graduate wala ka ng mararating, pero teka lang, bakit si Erap nagging presidente?

Hindi ko naman kinokontra ang sinasabi nila tungkol sa pag-aaral. Pag ako nagkaanak talagang hindi pupwedeng hindi sya magtatapos ng pag-aaral. Uunahin kong matutunan nya ang pagbabasa kesa sa paglalandi. (Tingin ko naman magiging inborn na ang kalandian dahil mamamana kay mommy. – - -> Ok, Lord, joke lang to. Wag na wag po sanang magaya sa kalandian ko ang magiging anak ko. Please. As in PLEASE.)

Ang sinasabi ko lang ay yung karamihan sa mga bagay na na-aapply natin sa araw-araw at humuhubog sa tin ay yung mga bagay-bagay na natutunan natin sa labas ng classroom.

Kung hindi ako nagpapilit sa bestfriend ko nung grade 2 sa Sta. Isabel na magcutting classes para pumunta sa piano room sa college department instead na umattend sa klase namin sa Christian Living, hindi ko matututunan na hindi lahat ng madre ay mababait. Minsan namimitpit sila ng kamay, namimingot sa tenga at nangungurot sa singit pag nahuli ka nila at napatunayan nilang hindi ka naman talaga enrolled sa piano lesson. At dahil dito natuto akong magkaron ng takot. Pero hindi ako natutong wag magcutting classes.

Kung hindi ako nagvolunteer sa teacher ko nung grade 6 ako sa SHOP class namin para bumili ng blade para sa g-saw namin, hindi ako matututong tumakbo ng matulin. Hindi ko din malalaman na hindi porke mukang harmless yung aso, e pag napagtripan nitong manghabol e hindi na sya manghahabol or ni hindi pirke ni-lock mo na ang gate na hanggang bewang mo ang taas ay hindi na kayang talunin yun ng aso. Natuto din akong humingi ng saklolo.

Kung hindi ako natutong matulog sa classroom namin sa T.H.E. nung second year highschool ako baka isa na ako dun sa mga kaklase kong hinika dahil sa amoy ng pintura na ginamit para sa silk screen. Baka mamaya yun pa ang kina-aga ng buhay ko. Tingnan nyo ngayon, san ba nila nagamit ang pag si-silkscreen?!

Kung hindi ako naghika-hikaan nung college ako sa klase ni Prof. Pormentira nung 1st year (dahil wala akong assignment! Talagang no choice, mahirap ng masabihan na naman ng tamad, tonta at matahin ang abang school ko – ErmitaCatholicSchool) hindi ko malalaman na wala palang facilities ang clinic namin. Na kahit mamamatay ka na pala talaga, ang mai-ooffer lang nila sayo ay tubig at konting electric fan. Papaikutin pa kasi hindi masyado gumagana yung aircon, share-share muna!

Kung nagpakatamad ako at nag-jeep simula sa PLM hanggang Rob Manila(oo, halos araw-araw namin nilalakad yan. Mahal kasi ang P4 na pamasahe para sa ming mga dukhang estudyante ng PLM), hindi ako makakabili ng kwek-kwek at makakapag pa-refill ng gulaman. Para sa ming 5! Isipin mo P5 lang ang gulaman pero pag nagparefill ka pwede kayong makainom lahat! Dito ko natutunan ang principle of bargaining. Kala mo ha! Tsugug!

At syempre kung hindi ako naglakas ng loob na mangopya nung 3rd year college ako sa katabi ko, hindi ko malalaman ang kaligayahan ng hindi pagkuha ng summer class para sa Advance Algebra! (oo, redundant, may college algebra na may advance algebra pa! Ni hindi naman ako nagsusulat ng mga linear equation sa pag-gawa ko ng daily reports sa office. At ni hindi naman ako tumatawag sa phone at nagsasabing: Hello? Parabola?? Hyperbola?? What? Quadratic equation??!!

So far, wala namang ganong scenario sa mga calls ko.) Pero syempre natutunan ko din dito na talagang minsan, pag nangopya ka o nangodigo ka, may karmang kapalit. Kaya siguro nabagsak ko ang Engineering Economy, COBOL, Algorithm, Integral Calculus at Probabilty & Statistics (ay nakapasa pala ako dito dahil sa special project! Hehe).

Kaya minsan mas magandang maging street-smart kesa maging school-wise(may ganon bang term?!). Kasi hindi lahat ng mga na-aapply mo sa buhay mo ngayon ay yung natutunan mo sa loob ng classroom mo. Minsan yung mga natutunan mo sa labas o sa mga taong nakakasalamuha mo sa buhay mo, yun ang magtuturo sayo ng mga bagay-bagay na ma-aapply mo sa buhay mo. Araw-araw. Oras-oras. Habang-buhay. J

Sometimes we’re wishing so hard for something that is either too ridiculous for words or simply too impossible to reach. And we wish so hard, not knowing that time is slipping by, and when we realize that the thing that were wishing for will probably happen when hell freezes over, we’ll ask ourselves why the hell time flew so fast and why it passed us by, not realizing that time dont and wont wait for anyone, even us.. and we’re stuck with that impossible wish and that impossible dream that we can turn back time and unwish all that absurdity into oblivion, and hope for another wish thinking that this time we’ll make it better, only making the same fucked up mistakes that we did earlier.

Sometimes we dwell too much on the past and we keep on reliving moments and certain memories that we know will never happen. It’s only when it’s too late that we realize that the past will never be the present or the future, it simply is the past.

Sometimes things that make us so happy before are the things that will fuck us up big time today.

I guess it’s just crazy how some people picks scabs just to make a new wound out of it.

I’m not sure if it’s too hard to comprehend that things happen whether we like it or not. So why not simply take it (sometimes lightly, sometimes too roughly), breathe in, breathe out, cuss if given a chance and simply let go?

I know sometimes we can’t help the fact that old wounds dont heal as fast as we want them to. They leave fresh scars that look bad in any angles, and sometimes we see those scars as battle scars, become proud of them thinking that finally we’re just seeing them as scars, but when we touch them, we’ll realize that underneath those scars are unhealed wounds, staying invisible to the eye but leaves a sting when touched.

We’ll realize that time really did pass us by because we wasted our time waiting for those friends to realize what a great loss we are. Or our past lovers to realize that we are a great catch, a great lay or how much they will miss us as much as we’re missing them now. We wasted our time waiting for them to come to their senses and apologize, but really, things dont work that way in real life does it?

We’re taking for granted the present situation. We think that where we are now is simply too boring, or too sad, or maybe not good enough, and so we aim for a better place, a better work, a better life… But really, why not live with what we have and make the most out of it? If things really are as bad as it seems, then we shouldn’t have wasted time thinking of getting out. We should’ve taken the initiative to get out and move on a little earlier don’t you think?

People come and go. Sometimes they leave a part of them in us, or they bring a part of us in them, or sometimes they simply hurt us or we simply hurt them.

I guess it’s just a fact of life- Hard but always worth exploring.

Lesson learned: If you’re pissed off at anyone in particular, or maybe even your life in general, never ever, ever, ever, ever (ever, ever!) go in front of the mirror and try to be a hairdresser. Inhale-exhale exercise works best.

Nothing says: I HATE MYSELF like cutting your bangs with scissors that you saw in your vanity table. Hay naku, cutting the wrist to show everyone you hate yourself is so 2008.

sunset or sunrise,
rain or shine,
day or night,
you’re the only thought that pops in mind
when the word Happiness is being described.

Ilove you hunny

its the little things that makes me smile
makes me sad
makes me wonder why…
its the little things that makes me frown
makes me cry
makes me laugh out loud…
its the little things that makes my heart flutter
makes me think of things i cant get over
makes me say iloveu over and over…

sitting in the corner, alone and quiet,
she’s an image of what destruction is.
her gaze pierces your soul, your being.
her smile sends shiver to your spine.
but inside that harsh demeanor and
erratic behaviour is a calmness no one knows possible to possess.
that sudden blink of an eye shows a tenderness not known to mankind.
she is hostile, she is mad,
but above all, she is a free soul.
Run free to the abyss… run for your sanity…

I took this quiz online and guess what I got:

EROS

Eros is passionate, physical, lustful love-the kind that gives you butterflies in your stomach and a tingling in certain other places. Romantic love that has tremendous passion, physical longing, deep intensity, and intimacy..

Before having my dinner, an old college friend talked to me through ym.

Here’s how our conversation goes:

Friend: musta?

Me:      elo.

Me:      eto resign na hehe

Friend: tlga?

            ngaun lang?

Me:      uu

            dec 1 ang effectivity

            kapapasa ko lang

Friend: ah

            san ka lilipat?

Me:      wala pa

            sa dec ako maghahanap para january new year new job

Friend: ah ok

            bkt nagresign ka?

Me:      la lang

            burnout na ako

Friend: ah

            ilang years ka na din jan?

Me:      5 years

            tsaka para makapag explore ng ibang field

Friend: ah good for you

Me:      sayang pinagaralan ko kung dito lang ako.

            hehe

Friend: sbgy may work nmn si jayson

            ano balak mo lipatan?

Me:      depende pa

Friend: IT?

Me:      la pa din ako actually naiisip kung ano gagawin ko

            hehehe

            basta alam ko hindi ako masyado matagal mababakante

            tsaka confident naman akong matatanggap naman ako agad

Friend: ah

            sbgy may work exp ka na

            pero di ba mahirap? kc undergrad ka db? pano ka magaaply di k nmn grad?

            Tingin mo may makukuha ka kayang ok na work?

Me:      indi ko iniisip na undergrad ako. bkit ako magiging hopeless dahil dun?!

            kasi kung iisipin ko na undergrad ako la talaga mangyayari sa kin

            anyway, diploma lang naman un

            i know my skills naman

Friend: sbgy tama ka jan

Me:      running for senior na nga daw ako dito

Friend: ah ok

Me:      isipin mo yung iba na grad nataasan ko pa diba

            and just bcoz d ako grad doesnt mean la ako alam. un lagi iniisip ko

Friend: yabang mo ah/..

            hehe

Me:      haha

            indi ako mayabang

            confident lang

Friend: nasasaktan me…huhuh

            hehe

Me:      haha bakit?

Friend: eh grad ako pero minion pa din ako

Me:      kasi no sino ba magbu-boost ng morale ko kung di sarili ko lang naman din diba

Friend: tinatamaan ako sa sinasabi mo ah..hehe joke

Me:      hahaha

            ikaw lang naman kasi pumipigil sa sarili mo na mag grow e

Friend: haha

            iba nmn kc situation ko

Me:      lahat naman ng means nasayo na para makahanap iba work

Friend: di kc ako pwede umalis sa company basta-basta

Me:      e kasi kung yan lagi iisipin mo tlagang d ka makakaalis

Friend: ako lang kumakayod sa amin…dami pa gastusin

Me:      e pano di ka pa nga nagtatry iisipin mo na agad yung nega stuffs

            syempre talagang la ka makikitang positive sa paglipat ng ibang company

            ilang beses ko na sau sinasabi na sayang yung skills mo

Friend: alam ko nmn un

            hindi lang kasi kadali un, tulad ng sinasabi mo

            ikaw, at least may sasalo sau in the meantime…may work si jayson

Me:      hahaha

Friend: at wala akong naipon e…dami kc kinukuha sa akin

            kuya ko pa pasaway…hindi mapirmi sa trabaho

Me:      anong akala mo naman sa kin papayag ako na suportahan lang ni jayson ng wala akong naco-contribute?

Friend: buti nga siya, nakakalipat-lipat

Me:      madami naman kami bills no

            kuryente, bahay, food, allowance namin, phone/internet, cable, water

Friend: yeah i know

            at isa pa nga, inaasahan pa ng parents ko yung health card ko

Me:      oh well

Friend: dati nga, nagsabi na ako na baka matanggap ako sa inapplyan ko

            kaso pinigilan ako

            magpapagamot pa daw sila

Me:      siguro iba lang tlaga tau. la naman ako intention na magpatama sau hehe

Friend: hehe

            ok lang un

Me:      kasi ako yung alam kong makakabuti sa lahat and sa sarili ko in the long run yung laging decision ko

Friend: pero sa ngaun…mejo wala akong direction sa buhay

Me:      aw

With all honesty, I never deny my educational status. I studied at PLM and took up BS Computer Science Minor in BS Math. During 4th year 1st sem, I faced a lot of problems involving money, health of my mom and death of my brother. My mom was always on ICU every 2 weeks and all of us thought that she will die during those times that she was being rushed to the ICU. (Thank God, masamang damo yata kaya ayun, magaling na uli hehehe.) My brother died due to a motorcycle accident and I had a hard time moving on and accepting his death since we are very close.

During those times, since my mom is always in the ICU, I go to school without any money. Literally no money. As in baon ako sa utang sa mga kaibigan ko. Try coming to school with only 20 pesos in your pocket which is napupunta lang sa pamasahe and every damn day my evil teachers keeps on demanding that we re-print the proposals we submitted for our thesis. Me and my thesis partner don’t have any pc at home so we both have to endure typing the proposals sa mga computershops sa Taft every damn day. Ask anyone from PLM (na hindi BA ang course! Mejo madali yung course na yan e hehehe) if they experienced staying awake for 3 straight days na ang nap lang is every byahe (to and fro school), lunch or in between classes (give or take 15 minutes) and I assure you almost everyone will say that they did. Norm sa PLM yun e. kaya madaming nababaliw dun dahil even without sleep for 3 straight days, before going to school naliligo pa din.

 I decided that quitting school is the best option at that time kahit graduating na ako. Mahirap mag decide and if faced with the same predicament that I’m facing during those times, I bet most of you wont last a day in my shoes. Just think about all the deadlines, all the debts you have to pay, your mom whose life is always on a 50-50 chance of dying/surviving, of the brother you are very close with but you aren’t given a chance to see. It takes a huge toll on someone else’s morale and sanity to tell you honestly.

And so I decided to stay tough. Education can take you to places but thick hide can help you survive.

And for someone to tell me that I can’t reach anything just because I don’t have the diploma to prove to everyone that I am smart, well fuck them because for me, diploma is only a piece of parchment. It may mean four years of hard labor and all niters but at the end of the day, your diploma won’t secure you a job. You should still have your skills, wits, intelligence and confidence to achieve whatever it is you decide. That’s why comments like you cant make it through because you didn’t graduate college affect me, because I know myself, and I know what I am capable of and I know that I am smart enough to learn and understand anything that comes my way… ok except math problems. I failed my integral calculus (hey at least I passed my differential calculus!).

The conversation continues:

Me:      yung baby nila bj nasa ospital

Friend: ok na baby nila?

Me:      ang alam ko ok na namn daw yung mga lab tests

            pero indi pa nalabas kasi nag aantibiotic pa

            pero ok naman na daw

Friend: ah confined pa din?

            kau…kelan darating si junior?

            hehe

Me:      uu confined pa din

            hehehe working on that

Friend: hala

            wala pa din?

Me:      ala pa

            indi naman ganon kadali gumawa nun no

Friend: baog ata isa sa inyo..hehe joke

Me:      indi naman porke sex kayo buo na agad un

Friend: eh kasi

            baka puro ka *CIM

Me:      and besides nakabuo na kami indi lang maayos nabuo so ala sa min baog

Friend: hehe

            joke

First and foremost, to tell someone (even if it’s a joke) who’s having a hard time conceiving that she’s BAOG is definitely not funny. I am not easily offended with jokes but to say something like this to me is simply, simply insensitive. As in. I know God has his plans. We may not have a baby this year or even the next year or not ever but I know God has his reasons why.

I maybe a non-practicing Catholic but I pray to God and I think that being close to him is what matters most. Everyone has their own beliefs and so do I, but the bottomline is that we only have one God and he wants us to trust him always.

Hay naku, i just hate people sometimes.

*Cum in mouth

Almost all the time that I spend in the office makes me wonder if I’m doing myself a favor by earning money or if I’m simply trying to kill myself because of stress.

I’ve been dying to leave my job for almost three agonizing years and the fact that I have too many bills to pay is the only reason why I am very hesitant to step out the door and leave my job for good.

But sometimes, we reach a certain point when enough is finally enough and no amount of money or position can make us stay anymore. I guess if even a pay raise in this hard economy or even a promotion is not enough to motivate you to stay then it’s about time to pack your belongings, bid everyone hasta la vista and walk out that door and face your fears of becoming unemployed. It’s also about time to believe in yourself that you are good enough to find a new work with better compensations and better benefits and a lot better management and environment to work with.

So after five years of doing the same job, after three years of staying in the same team, I am handing my resignation with my head held high and a smile in my face thinking “I QUIT THIS BITCH!”

Thank you Lord for the sun that shines so bright.

Pls. dont bring too much rain to us again.

Excessive rain that drowns, that kills, that destroys…

Always give us sun that makes us smile always.

I always hate rainy seasons.

I hate it when I hear the raindrops falling on my rooftop.

I hate it when I see dark clouds hovering and pouring their heart out

because I always associate rainfall to broken hearts

because the rain for me are tears from someone who feels pain in an unimaginable intensity,

someone with an unrequited feelings, someone with a painful past,

someone who lost someone and cant cope with that someone being gone,

someone who misses some past love and who always remembers the past promises, the memories, the laughter, the ups and downs and

the relationship gone astray,

someone who cherishes every broken vows and is still hoping,

someone who’s always left behind waiting, most of the time for nothing.

I just wish the sun will shine soon.

I want to laugh again and if memories of the past crept back,

I wont be lonely like the clouds but rather be happy like the sun.

So please rain just go away…

Rain, rain go away…

Who says facebook is boring?

Check out the pics below. I got them at College Humor.

Nakita nyo na ba to?

WTF?! Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ako o malulungkot habang tinitingnan ang picture na to. Seriously, anong ibig sabihin nito? Na ako si Manny Villar, mapag-bigay na tao, kusang tumutulong, HOY TUMULONG AKO at dahil jan, iboboto nyo ako?

Kung tutulong ka, bakit kailangang may kapalit? Bakit kailangang ipangalandakan?

Nakakalungkot mng isipin pero ganito na talaga ang karamihan sa ugali ng mga tao. Kailangang may kapalit ang pagtulong. Kailangang may pangangalandakan.

Inuuna muna ang kapakanan kesa sa totoong nasalanta.

Kaya nga sana sa dadating na eleksyon, matutuo na tayo sa lahat ng pagkakamali natin. Yun nga lang, sa mga tatakbo, meron ba talaga tayong aasahan?

And now, Im 100% sure that I no longer have faith in the human society.

Well, what can I say? These girls have the best curves ever. I’ll kill for those legs and abs.

10. Angelina Jolie

Nothing says I AM DAMN CONFIDENT like Angelina Jolie. I am a huge fan of her tiger tattoos and I am thinking of getting one someday. (kung papayag si hubby)

She’s an accomplished actress, a great humanitarian, a goodwill ambassador and a great mother. Being the sexiest woman alive doesnt hurt either.

Although this recent pic of Ang says otherwise. Hmm… maybe she’s just trying to be one of the refugees?

9. Milla Jovovich

I first watched this Ukranian-born model and actress in Blue lagoon 2 and from then on, I love her! She’s the star of the Resident Evil trilogy movie. She’s the epitome of bad-ass and just by looking at her, you can see that you dont need to have any boobjobs to be considered sexy.

8. Leighton Meester

The bitch goddess of Gossip Girl. If you want to have an epic girl-fight, call Blair Waldorf and you will definitely have a good girl fight! Seriously, with a face like you can get almost everything you desire no?

7. Bar Rafaeli

Just look at her. If I have a body like that, I’ll not wear any shirt on ever!

6. Rachel Bilson

She plays Summer Roberts in The O.C. and seriously, she embodies the SIMPLICITY IS BEAUTY quote.

Here she is wearing a simple tank top and denim

5. Mila Kunis

She is the voice of Meg Griffin in the Family guy, she plays the cute girl in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and she plays the young Angelina Jolie who plays the late but beautiful Gia Carangi in the biopic Gia. What more can you ask for?

4. Miranda Kerr

I’d kill for that legs! Plus she’s dating Orlando Bloom and they’re both cute

3. Natalia Portman

I’d gladly go lesbian for Nat because she plays the hottest girl ever (Alice) in one of my favorite movie – Closer and as Anne Boleyn in The Other Boleyn Girl. She’s beautiful, talented and above all she’s smart. Did I mention that she’s smart? Oh well, yeah, she is. She completed her bachelors degree in Psychology in HARVARD UNIVERSITY!

They say that the hair is a girls crowning glory, but she shaved her head in V for vendetta and she’s still hotter than most of the people in Hollywood.

2. Rachel McAdams

Blonde Rachel McAdams

She’s one of the great actress around and she looks good both Blonde and Brunette. She played the queen bee Regina George in Mean Girls, Allie Hamilton in The Notebook and as Clare Abshire in The Time Traveler’s Wife (I just finished reading the book and it’s better than the movie!).

Brunette Rachel

1. Adriana Lima

Look at that eyes. I just love how she looks at you and you melt away. If ever I’ll have a daughter, I will definitely name her Adriana.

Hindi ko alam kung nabasa ko ba sa bible o nakwento sa kin ng mga magulang ko o sa eskwelahan ko lang narinig ang kwento na to. Basta ang alam ko kahit gaano ako katapang kapag naririnig ko at naaalala ko ang kwento na to talagang natatakot ako.

Ang kwento:

Pag dating ng araw ng paghuhukom, uulan ng apoy. Lahat ng tao na maiiwan sa labas ng kanilang mga tahanan ay mamamatay. Lahat ng tao sa loob ng bahay ay kailangang magtipon-tipon sa isang sulok upang magdasal. Kailangang mag sindi ng isang bendidatong kandila na syang magsisilbing ilaw sa tatlong araw na pag-ulan ng apoy. Kailangang nakasara ang mga kurtina at mga bintana at kung sino man ang titingin sa labas ng bintana ay mamamatay. Maririnig natin sa labas ang lahat ng sigawan, kaguluhan at paghihirap. Mababalot ang mundo ng kadiliman. Ang mga taong maiiwan sa labas ay kakatok sa pintuan at magpapanggap na isa sa mga taong mahal natin sa buhay. Kakatok sila at magmamaka-awang papasukin sila sa bahay dahil sila ay takot na takot. Nakasalalay ang buhay ng mga taong kasama natin sa loob ng bahay sa magiging desisyon natin kung papapasukin ba natin ang taong kumakatok. Ang taong kumakatok ay isang demonyo na nagpapanggap lang para makapasok sa bahay natin, at kung sakaling matukso tayo at pagbuksan natin sila ng pinto, mamamatay ang lahat ng tao sa loob ng bahay.

Siguro kung babasahin nyo yan, hindi kayo matatakot pero sa totoo lang kapag naiisip ko yan lahat ng katapangan ko nawawala. Naalala ko nung bata pa ako napanaginipan kong dumating na ang araw ng paghuhukom at naiwan sa labas ang nanay ko. Kumakatok sya at nagmamaka-awang pagbuksan sya ng pinto. Tinatawag nya ang pangalan ko habang hirap na hirap sya pero kahit nasasaktan ako, hindi ako magawang buksan ang pinto. Yun siguro ang isa sa pinaka masamang napanaginipan ko sa buong buhay ko. Iniiisip ko pa lang nanghihina na ako.

bakit kamo ganito ang sinasabi ko?

Pano alam naman natin lahat nag idinulot sa tin ng bagyong Ondoy nitong nakaraang Sabado. Madami ang nawalan ng tirahan, binaha at namatay. Nabalot ng kadiliman ang kalangitan. Madami ang namatay at nasalanta.

Sa mga nais mag-donate: (from Pinoy Buzz)

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I am not in a good mood today. I look like one of the girls from your highschool years that try so hard to look like a vamp but in reality really look like a geek with eyes magnified or in my case shrink six times. Geez louise, I hate wearing glasses.

FYI, I’m wearing clear, soft and extended contact lenses. You can use these lenses to sleep but I am not one of those people who sleeps with their contacts on. Simply put, I’m just not used to wearing my contacts for more than 10 hours. With this fact, I should be one of the lucky ones to not suffer any (more) damage to my eyes right?

WRONG!

My cornea got scratched because of my contact lenses and yes – they hurt like a motherfucking painful scratch a cornea will ever feel.

Here’s what happened: Before going to bed and drifting off to sleep, I took the contacts out of my eyes – no problem with that since I am wearing contacts eversince i was in college BUT since I am in an air-conditioned room throughout the day, my contacts dried out AND since I am not a pussy, dry eyes doesn’t scare the shit out of me SO I disregard the fact that dry contacts equals to possibly scratching of the cornea.

Before drifting off to sleep, I can really tell that something is definitely wrong with my right eye. The next day, I still wore my contacts – hey, vanity at its purest baby! – but after an hour, I decided that I can no longer ignore the irritating "sand-like" feeling I have in my eyes so I decided to consult an ophthalmologists to really get into the bottom of whatever it is that’s happening to my eyes.

To make the story short, as I write this entry, I am wearing my trustworthy, multi-coated but not ultra thin glasses until the scratches (thank God their only mild) heals. And I have to put some antibacterial eye drops in my eyes every hour for 24 hours. And yes, I need to wake up every hour to put drops on my eyes – and it stings.

And so I am here in my cubicle, wondering why I shun lubricants for my eyes when it’s the most obvious thing to do and cursing the air-condition we have in the office for drying my eyes and simply sulking because seriously, I look like a geek.

and so i was minding my own business when this guy dropped something on the floor.

and i was about 10 meters away from him but i can see clearly.

and when he bend over to pick the stuff he dropped,

i was amazed and impressed at what i saw.

for the tightness and the flawlessness of that buttocks

is really, totally undeniably, unarguable.

And he looks mean as he is lean.

And his stubbles nearly a day old.

And he reeks of impatience but when he smiled he seems sweet.

And his charm is equally unattainable as he is as tall as he is ripped.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

and all i can do is stare and drool for i am a married woman.

able to appreciate but not able to participate.

“….At minsan ay nais mong mapag-isa

dahil nais mong matikman ang nakatakas na kalayaan

at hindi dahil nais mong makalayo

bagkus dahil nais mong maging preso kahit alam mong malaya ka

at hindi dahil malungkot ka sa buhay

o sawa na sa lahat ng nangyayari

kung hindi dahil alintana mo ang kinabukasan

at napapagisip ka sa dadating pa na panahon

kung pano ka magiging malaya ng tulyan

kung wala namang nagkukulong sayo?

at pano mo masasabing ikaw ay isang preso

kung buong buhay mo’y kalayaan naman ang ginagawa mo?…”

So I failed my project 365… But (with a capital B) that doesn’t mean I will not try again.

Yes my friends, I will try again.

And if I fail (again), hell I will try again! hah!

So tomorrow start of my 365 again. Hopefully I’ll be able to finish this sucker.

So just join me (again) in this sucker. Visit my blog ok?

Just When You Thought You’ve Seen Awesome, You Meet This:

The Dollhead Mohawk. Ask your barber for it next time.

Birdie Dilemma

Problems come in all shapes and sizes. Such as: fucking Qtip.

Ignore Me Doing This

This little girl finally found something to smile about.

Playtex

Who needs a pacifier when you’ve got toys like these?

Spic and Span

You can always count on grandma to keep the house tidy.

Fanboy

Everybody needs a groupie

The Milkmen

Somebody didn't earn his cow

Wahahahaha yun lang ang masasabi ko

Since Diowee posted some old pics of the Euro team way back in CPU, i just thought it will be fun to post some pics that reminded me how happy we were before. Here are some of the pics that I have (stored in my pc here at the office.).

Me and Heidz

at 5F, burning our lungs off

 

I was finally about to go home when one of my friends decided that the best way to spoil our day is to send the announcement from Malacañang that September 21 is also considered a regular working day for BPO / electronics sector employees. (September 7 is already considered a regular working  day).

Nagpapalakas lang ba ang Malacañang sa mga businessmen since election time is just around the corner?

Dont they realize that a big percentage of taxes e nakukuha nila sa mga employees who work in BPO?

I wonder kung kailangan na namang mag out of town at mag shopping galore ng kung sino mang nasa posisyon kaya kailangang makahingi ng tong sa mga businessmen? Ano ba yan pampadulas?

To say that I am disappointed is an understatement. I lost my trust in the administration long before I learned what BPO meant.

Ang masakit nito, I am very much convinced that our company is not a BPO firm since we are direct hires and not considered a third-party firm. Pero hanggat makakalamang talaga e lalamang ang mga talentadong mga kumpanya sa mga taong nagpapakahirap kumayod.

Ano bang kaibahan ng BPO employees sa mga non-BPOS aside sa pagiging 24/7 ng work nila? Ano ba to pa importante? Mga non-BPO gets to snooze around while BPO employees are in their cubicles wasting away sa sobrang stress? Since this is a regular non-working holiday for BPO sectors, its safe to assume that pag pumasok yung mga BPO employees REGULAR PAY din ang makukuha nila.

Unfair much?

BPO or not, hindi pa din tlaga tama to. Sabi nga ni Diowee this is a start of a dreadful trend!

Ok, for those people who are into texting and, well more into a budget frenzy – this promo is for you!

I just heard this promo yesterday and tried using it and well, I can definitely say this is one hell of a good promo from Globe Telecoms.

Just type IMMORTAL10 and send to 8888, wait for the reply and then BAM! Free 50 txt messages to Globe/TM subscribers and another free 10 text to other networks. NO EXPIRY! You only have to maintain P1 in your balance to maintain the IMMORTALTXT service.

Plus you can do this for as many times as you like.

So, if you load P40 (they currently have a promo that if you load P40 you will have a free 20 free txt) and txt IMMORTAL10 for 3 times (you can also do it for 4 times just as long as you’ll have a remaining P1 balance) then you have an instant 150 free txt messages to Globe/TM subscribers and additional 30 free text to other networks. Ain’t that cute?

It’s that easy.

To check your balance just type IMMORTAL BAL and send to 8888.

This is one promo that makes me a little bit happier.

Try it now.

So I’m lusting for Alexander Skarsgard. Big deal.
But seriously, he is one hot piece. A 6′4″ swedish pure seduction.
Who can resist?

give me some alexander now!!!

This hunk is oozing sex eveytime he appears in the screen.

Hercules who? eric you are a swedish god!

Just to be fair, I posted those pics because the last time I did my post for the guys of Trueblood, I only have Alex’s backside.

I have no idea why I am here at my office, sipping a hot cup of cappuccino and pretending to smoke. Ok, I lied. I know why I am here. A certain Press Secretary Remonde announced that September 7, 2009 is considered a fucking regular working day for employees under the BPO and electronics sector. Hell, I am not even sure our company is considered BPO. But seems like we are, dammit.

So now I am here at my desk, pretending to enjoy the feel of being a model employee for coming in at work at 2:30 pm in a 3 pm shift (damn traffic where art thou?!).

And yes I am sulking and acting like a moron here. Trying my best to be cheerful in calling Brits and other people from the other part of the world to fucking ask for their correct information. The hell I care about it anyway.

Being here in my desk actually made me realize things. Firstly – today, September 7, 2009, while my husband is at home playing ps3 and my niece is at home watching television, and my nephew is at home sleeping, I am here in my desk – working. And I never hated knowing the correct gaddamn people’s email addresses until now.

Secondly – while I’m pretending to burn my lungs off by smoking a stick of my imaginary menthol ciggie, I found out that being forced to work on a holiday brings out the monster in me. Like Mr. Hyde-like monster.

Lastly – though I am very much hating the holiday blues that I am experiencing (occasional tics and side eye from my manager not included), I am totally loving Makati without much the crowd. This actually reminds me of the I am Legend premise which I totally dig. (I am a vampire/zombie fanatic) but still, this is not enough reason for me to be here. I. Should. Be. At. Home. Sleeping. Dammit.

So yeah, enough of this bullshit trying to be all nice in my post today. I am definitely bitter, angry, loony and overly dramatic not to mention that I am in the midst of breaking down yet again. (See: overly dramatic adjective) while trying my best to behave since I am still in the office all at the same time. I can’t handle this (again, see: overly dramatic adjective).

(Sunday, I am having my downtime moment (im just lying in my bed thinking how nice it is to spend 4 days in a week in the office) when this horrible conversation happened.)

Boss: You have to be in the office tomorrow. Remonde announced that its a regular working day for employees in the BPO companies.
Me: So? Do I really need to be there?
Boss: Yes.
Me: I dont want to.
Boss: You have to. No alibis. Be there.
Me: Im not giving no fucking alibis. I said I dont want to.
Boss: You just have to be there dammit.
Me: I am fucking not going in that fucking office and sit in my ass for fucking 8 hours and fucking call people I cant even pronounce the names.
Boss: Sorry but you have to..
Me: No. I said no dammit!
Boss: But..
Me: I SAID NO! (throws the glass in front of me to the wall)
Boss: What’s that? Something crashed?
Me: Yes, its the glass. For now. Tomorrow it will be your head. (Pounds on the wall)
Boss: What’s that?
Me: Your eyeballs. Gone forever. (Stomps feet)
Boss: And that would be?
Me: Your dignity. Crushed to oblivion. (Punches the wall)
Boss: Dont tell me that will be my…
Me: …your guts. Screaming STOP. (kicks the poor kitty)
Cat: Meow!
Boss: and that’s my?
Me: Your soul screaming NO
Boss: Ok tough guy. Be in the office tomorrow or feel the wrath of your second memo.
Me: Fucking fine. (curl up and cries like a son of a mother’s baby)

 Bottomline: I am batshit mad that I am here while most of you my dear readers are stuck at home snoozing.

Damn.

This screencap is from the True Blood series starring Anna Paquin, Stephen Moyer and Alexander Skarsgard based on the very very addicting (and popular) Southern Vampire Series (also known as the Sookie Stackhouse Series) by Charlaine Harris.

I’ve been hyperventilating and just yesterday, I caught myself dry humping the pc at my house while looking at the stills of my beloved Alexander. (He plays Eric Northman, the vampire sheriff in Area 5 in the series and I love Eric in the books!!)

Oh, yeah, I’ve been trying to convince myself that I am definitely not a lustful person.

I guess my lustfulness only shows when I watch that damn series.

p.s

if the pic above doesnt make you dry-heave, then watch out for the damn hot guys that populate the series.

Ryan Kwanten (as Jason Stackhouse), and yes most of the time he is definitely shirtless! He plays the polygamous brother of Sookie and did I say he is always shirtless?

Ryan Kwanten as Jason Stackhouse

Stephen Moyer as Bill Compton (also known as Vampire Bill) who plays the main love interest of Sookie (in the series but in the books well.. SPOILER!!!).

Stephen Moyer as Vampire Bill

Sam Tramell as Sam Merlotte the shapeshifter boss and friend of Sookie and is the owner of Merlottes Bar where Sookie works.

Sam Tramell as Sam Merlotte

Mehcad Brooks as Eggs the love interest of Tara (friend of Sookie.) I just dont know why I like looking at the pictures of sweaty guys.. maybe because it reminds me so much of some activities. hahaha This guy is one hot piece of dark choco. Yum.

Mehcad Brooks as Eggs

I just took “What kind of Sin are you” quiz which is kind of stupid because I already know what sin I am.
It’s just a little bit overwhelming to really see for yourself what sin you really possess. Ok, granted these quizzes are mostly for fun, still, you cant help but feel a little prick from the butt for knowing that indeed, the sins you thought you are is really the sin that YOU ARE! (gets mo? hahaha)

Anyway, because of all this irony, I decided to make a post which will be based on the 7 deadly sins.
Post to follow.

and fyi, i thought my sin was Wrath and not lust.

 
ok, kidding.

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

It was an ordinary day full of whining and swearing.

I feel out of breath.

I feel like the path that I’m supposed to follow leads to a dead-end.

I feel suffocated.

I feel numb.

I feel like all the air is sucked out of me.

I feel weak and I am on bended knee.

During my college days, I am so incline to believe that there is something else waiting for me outside the walls of my dreaded university. I kept on thinking that out of my school, a new world awaits me. A new career, a new path, a new life.

I kept on believing that I will succeed in whatever endeavors I’ll encounter. And that everyday, there will always be a silver lining in all the chaos that I’ll be facing.

Tough luck and some awkward circumstances led me to believe the exact opposite of what I used to believe in. My passion evaporated right in front of me.

There is no such thing as pleasant work for me anymore.

Corporate world is no longer a term that makes me smile and dream and hope but rather a term that seems to make me remember about corporate slavery and nothing else.

So this actually led me to have this little session (yes, I call them little sessions). What I usually do in these sessions is to have day dream and to fantasize anything under the sun… or over it.

I have a wild imagination. So wild that I’m betting my ass my Christian Living teacher will have a heart attack once she finds out whatever the hell I am imagining. Yup, there’s the slut train and I am first in line. Hehehe

If ever anyone of you want to visit my “world” then it will be helpful to know a few “person” in my imaginary world. And yes I am pathetic.

1. Man-whore. He has this oh so great abs and tight buttocks that will actually melt you. Just like ice cream. He doesn’t wear shirt, only a draw string pants and you can see his pelvic bone because he hates tying his drawstring pants. Gees. He works as my gardener.
2. Hoe-man. He’s my imaginary neighbor who likes to do push ups and bench press wearing nothing but his aftershave. And yes, I am a pervert.
3. The cute chef. All he does is cook and speak French all day. I don’t understand a word he says but he’s sure as hell lovely to the eyes.
4. Panty creamer of the day. Well, after a stressful and exhausting work, its my right to go to this masseuse and ask for a massage. Panty creamer with his six pack and well defined butt cheeks and chest is a perfect choice to get the massage from. Being oh so handsome wont hurt.

I still have a lot of them inside my head. Suppressed lust? You bet.

And now I have to stay in my quiet corner and pray that I’ll be able to find a new job because honestly, being stuck here with your imaginary panty creamers are really really pathetic. And yes, I take perversion to the next level.

I was doing my usual routine after dinner when “the song” played that reminded me of someone that I’ve been with before getting hitched with my husband.

Remember the song “I remember the boy?” well as the lyrics go ” I remember the boy but I don’t remember the feeling anymore..” so I just like to point out that I don’t harbor any feelings for the guy anymore. (Boy will be a much appropriate noun for him I swear!) And no, the song that is currently playing is definitely not I Remember The Boy.

Anyway, while hearing the song, it made me actually wonder how he is now. I’m just curious on how he is. You see, we were pretty inseparable during those times though most of those times are spent having heavy dramas or nonsense fights.

There was a time, after office hours when we were hanging out at his place – its actually my first time to meet his mom and we downed bottles after bottles of alcohol. It’s just a happy time. I missed it : (

I wonder if there are times when some song that we used to listen together suddenly played on his ipod and he remembers me?

I wonder if memories of a far away time make him smile and remember me.

I wish he was well and happy. : )

he was a former officemate.
i remember that we used to hang out and smoke together.
oh well.. those were the days.
“where are you working?” he said.
i smiled. i told him im still here.
Still bored. still tired. same old, same old.
“your one of the most patient people i ever met” he mumbled.
i know its not because i am really patient (because believe me, im not!)
but because i am still here on the same place that i am 2 1/2 years ago.
“you gonna stay there for good? go old and retire?” he joked.
i smiled at him and told him to go to hell, jokingly of course.
“i dont want to stay” i said. “there’s just no opportunity thats coming my way”.
“then go look for one. take a risk. take a plunge” he told me.

“maybe i will. maybe i wont.
theres just too many bills to pay and too many failures that will come my way.
im not scared. its just that i need to think about my other half too.
and eventhough i am happy relationship-wise, my career sucks big time.”

and he smiled as he quips,”after 3 years, i’ll bet you’ll still be there”.

and i pray hard that it wont come true.
pls. God, dont make it come true. : (

2 years ago I was a mess.
I flit from one relationship to another just to find some fun out of my youth.
I binge on alcohol like there’s no tomorrow and smoke pot as if my life depends on it.
Not that I consider drinking or doing pot or being in a relationship with assholes a bad thing – I don’t.
It’s just that though I feel it was the right thing at the moment, I feel like I’ll always be a mess.
That I’ll never be good enough, that I’ll never be pretty enough, that I’ll always be the last person to be loved by the boys that I like.

2 years ago, I was an unrequited hopeless romantic.
I love the thought that I am in love though the feeling of being neglected is always felt.
I always ask myself, why do I hurt so badly when all I do is love?
It’s just recently that I understood the true reasons why.

2 years ago, I was insecure and scared.
I didn’t know when to hold on or when to let go.
The sad part of this is that I didn’t know whom to hold on to.
I am confused and I always feel that I am alone.

2 years ago, I didn’t believe that it’s possible to love someone and be loved in return.
With the same intensity, with the same depth.
I didn’t know that life can be meaningful.
That a day can pass by without a fight.
That being in a room in silence doesn’t have to make you feel vulnerable and scared that you will be left alone.
And that sometimes, silence is a good thing.

2 years ago, I was in love with assholes that treat me like dirt.
I was addicted to assholes that play with my emotions and trust.
Pot that destroys my sanity.
Booze that makes me irrational.
Cigarettes that kills my lungs.

2 years ago I am lost.
I’m not sure who I am and what I’ll be.

2 years ago, I am selfish.
I am unwilling to share my heart only my body and emotions.

2 years ago I am hopeless.
That is until I marry you.
You changed my life and made me believe that everything has its reasons.
That love really is magical.
That life spent with you is beautiful.
That simply being with you is a blessing and a miracle.
That even though you know how erratic I am most of the time, you still try to understand me.

And for that, I should love you more than I love you now.

Thank you for your patience.

For your love.

For your kindness.

For your respect.

For your trust.

For your faith.

For your friendship.

For your companionship.

For your laughter.

For your smile.

Above all, thank you for being with me in that hot room 2 years ago,
Holding my hand with only our 3 friends bearing witness,
Making a pact to love each other till death do we part.
I wish to keep the oath we took until my last breath and I know you will too.

Happy 2nd anniversary honey.

I love you. Forever. For always.

I woke up today with a smile on my face and an unexplainable joy in my heart and seriously, I just don’t know why.

Maybe because I woke up in the right side of the bed which is weird since that’s where I get up everyday, so yeah, I don’t really have an explanation why I feel so happy.

It could be that our 3 meals for the day yesterday are all veggies which is another weird thing since I didn’t know fiber can make you smile… oh well, I guess it can after you have your “happy me” time inside the restroom.

Anyway, I just feel so light and so carefree today that I hope nothing or NO ONE can make me grumpy the whole day… well except the 9 hours I have to spend in the workplace which is like a normal daily occurrence in my life, so yeah, counting off the workplace daymare, I guess I’m good to go.

And another biggie, I’m currently reading the book: Is She My Foe? By Janice Burke. I borrowed it from a friend. Its about Maggie and her friend Linda who are the best of friends since they were toddlers. Maggie is a single, aggressive, loud, carefree and a happy spirit girl with a good career and a good paycheck while Linda is a single book keeper, moody, (possibly) hate the word happiness, utterly depressed about almost everything and has a lot of excess baggage.

Maggie’s life is always parties and boys. She has the reputation of being a flirt since she has the habit of dumping boyfriends after being through with them. She has a great career, a happy single life and almost everything in the right place. However, she’s confused about her feelings about Marcus, her very arrogant yet dangerously sexy boss and who is very much married.

Linda’s life is more on the depressing side of life. She graduated with high honors, however, being the shy and lacking of self esteem she never gets a good job offer. She settled as a book keeper in their public library with income that wont be able to feed everyone in their house so she does odd sidelines to keep up with the towering expenses in their household. Linda’s twin Andrea left her with her 2 kids. She went to Australia to work. The first 6 months was okay since Andrea sends money for her 2 kids but after that she just sends letter and always apologize to Linda for not sending money anymore because she is either very sick, was laid off, cant find a new job, etc.

The story is about the struggle of their friendship since Linda thinks that Maggie is a selfish friend who blabs about being single and cool and encourages her to leave her 2 nephews to Andrea and enjoy life since 30 is supposed to be all good fucks and shopping (as Maggie’s own words). She also thinks Maggie is very shallow and doesn’t deserve to have the good career she is having since the only reason Maggie graduated college is because of Linda’s help. Maggie sees Linda as prude and selfish since she drags her to Linda’s own misery everytime she mopes about her hardships. She tells Linda to give up her 2 nephews since its very obvious that she has a life of her own and that its not her responsibility at all. She also thinks that Linda mopes around and unknowingly finds contentment by seeing everyone pity her.

Is she my foe is a great read. My friend got it from a booksale and I guess its not really a widely published book since I try to search it in the net and can’t find any listing for this book. But anyway, just in case you encounter it on your free time browsing bookstores or booksales, grab it and it will surely melt your heart and open your eyes about things around you.

The book is about friendship, one’s selfishness and giving and taking. Its really a must read. J

It was only an hour ago when Cory Aquino’s hearse drove in front of our office building in Ayala.

As the hearse drove by, hundreds of mourning people (others mere spectators) gather in front to cheer and to say their last farewells (though she is yet to be buried) to Cory.

Cory is one of the most beloved woman in our country as well as in the world. A devout catholic, she is a figure of democracy and a reminder that even a humble woman can succeed amidst all chaos by the help of God.

I know I’m not good in words and eventhough our family supports Marcos (Ilocano heritage), I am still in awe of Cory – a house wife, a mother, a wife, a leader.

Rest in peace Tita Cory and May you rest in peace.

—Let us all have a short prayer for her.—

i walked into the room uncertain of how my day will be.

afraid of things, of people, of outbursts

i see you sitting in the corner, observing.

i love how your eyes crinkle when you smile.

i love how you went out of your way just to pass beside me and say "good day".

i love how you carry your clothes.

It reminds me of fresh linens and breakfast.

I love how every afternoon you never fail to smile, not just to me but to everyone.

You are kind and I am thankful.

A nod from anyone is enough to make anyone’s day go right.

thanks for the smile stranger.

Sa buhay natin (oo kasama ka!) hindi lahat ng feeling e sarap o kaya naman paghihirap. Kadalasan ay combination of both.

May isa akong friendship na itago na lang natin sa pangalang Pilar Pilapil.

Always happy sya as in. Hindi tlaga magkamayaw sa kasayahan ang friendship kong ito.

As in everyday, pag nakita ko sya, abot langit ang ligaya nya. (oo, di lang ngiti ang abot langit, ligaya talaga as in!)

Pag magkasama kami, magugulat na lang ako kasi biglang magmomoment ito at tatawa ng malakas. hindi daw kasi nya kayang hindi tumawa sa loob ng isang araw. Masayhin din naman akong tao pero pag tinabi mo ako kay Pilar Pilapil, aba naman feeling mo laging Byernes Santo sa buhay ko. Kala mo nasa ika-150th day na ako sa pagfa-fasting ko at tlaga namang akala mo ako si Olof (the other reindeer ni Santa Clause! I bet pakbet indi mo kilala yun no??)

So ayun. Ok lang maging masaya pero siguro kung sobra-sobra naman hindi din masyado tama.

Kanina kumakain ako sa pantry at sobrang makahagalpak tlaga sya sa kakatawa. Nakaka-asar. Naisip ko tuloy bakit kaya parang lagi nalang akong warla? Dahil ba sa bagong hiarstyle ko?

Pero hindi e. hindi talaga yun.

Ewan ko kung bakit ako affected lagi?

Siguro nag eevolve na ako bilang Grinch (who stole Christmas) kahit love ko naman ang mga pamerry krismas lagi.

Siguro nga hinding-hindi ako pwedeng itago sa pangalan na Julie Vega dahil mga tipong pang Gladys reyes or Odette Khan (ay hindi pala. Baka magalit ang angle. Sya pala to in real life. ) or Little Celia Rodriguez (may ganon? Little talaga dapat dahil copyright ito ng mommy ko!).

Grabe na to. Ano ba nangyayari sa kin? Feeling ko praning lang ako sa mga panahon na ito kasi pati mga masasayang tao kinaiinisan ko.

Susko, ikaw ba naman ang maging masaya ng buong sigla habang ang paligid mo ay napapagod na sa kakagalaw, matutuwa ka pa din ba?

At oo, mr. bokabulari, kilala mo ito.

Kanina sa aircon na jeep sa Buendia, may nakasakay akong dalawang college student na magkaibigan na masyadong masakit sa tenga kung makadaldal. Parang mga reyna ng jeep, as in sobra talaga sa ingay. Akala ko nga private vehicle ito dahil maka-asta akala mo binili nila ang jeep. Dedma sila kahit na pinagtitinginan sila ng mga tao sa kakachika nila. Basta chi-chika sila ano man ang mangyari.

So sige, dedma lang. Chika lang sila ng chika tungkol sa mga crushes nila at sa mga “chaka na people” sa school nila. (Words nila yan!)

Habang nagpupuno yung jeep, may sumakay na mag-jowa. Sabi nung isang girl: Si Mhaaarrk!!! Tingnan mo yung gf nya, grabe ang baduy. yan yung pinalit kay Mace. Indi naman kagandahan, Pike pa! Hahahaha

Sabi naman nung kasama nya: Wahahahaha (as in sobrang makatawa. Indi pwedeng kumandidato sa Ms. Subtlety 2009.) Chaka!!! Hahaha bakit ganon, naka brace sya pero indi naman bagay?? Grabe naman yan.

At oo, walang katapusan yung panglalait nila dun sa babae. Buti na lang yung dalawang mag jowa hindi na lang pinatulan yung 2 babae dahil kung pinatulan nila yun, malamang, mahahagip nila ako. oo, concern ako sa sarili ko.

Grabe tlaga ang panglalait. Aakalain mong Laittation Day ngayon. As in, kung ang course ko sa PLM is B.S. Lait Science minor in B.S. Mapangmata, sila Doctorate na ang tine-take. Wala akong masabi. Lait to the highest level. Hahaha

List ng mga nagamit nilang Laitjective:

1. Buhag-hagers na hair (napatingin ako bigla sa hair ko. Mahirap ng madamay sa panlalait!)

2. Frizzy na eyebrows (oo, talagang tinake note ko to dahil useful sya in the future!)

3. Gargantuan na tenga

4. Pwet ng manok na labi

5. non-existent na baba

6. 6 footer na leeg (in fairness indi naman ganon kahaba ang leeg, more like 5′8 lang!)

7. vienna sausage na daliri

8. nagdadalantao sa isang undin (oo, napatingin agad ako sa paligid akala ko andon si Manilyn Reynes!)

9. Pinsan ni Chucky (akala ko magpipinsan sila!)

10. Size 15 na paa

O diba, aaakalain mo talagang Laitation day sa school nila kung makapang lait ang mga ito. Ok lang sana kung tipong mga mala anghel ang itsura ng mga ito, pero hindi, akala mo mga hindi nag evolve na cro-magnon lang. (hahaha mapang lait??!)

At syempre habang andito ako sa office ngayon, napapatawa na lang ako. Akala ko, ako na ang pinaka mapanglait na tao ngayong 2009 (oo this year lang!) pero hindi. natalo ako ng mga cro-magnon girls na yun. As in kabog. Step back candidate number 28!

Susko talaga. Hindi ako kailangang magpahuli sa trend.

bakit kaya ganon?

habang workmode ang drama ko sa desk ko, bigla akong napaisip ng malalim.

Ano kamo ang gumugulo sa isip ko?

Well.. bakit kaya yung mga delicious na papables ngayon kadalasan gayness? As in, bakit ayaw na ng mga papa nato sa ting mga gels?

As in, napapaisip ako. Oo, malalim. Dahil ang mga ganitong dilemma ay talagang hindi pinagsasabukas. Kailangang ma-solve sya as in ngayon din.

kausap ko yung friend ko kanina. Pm-pm lang kami. Ask ko yung officemate nya – Carlo ang name. oo, uyng cutiepie na maputi; yung mukang anghel na bumaba sa lupa para mang-inggit sa mga kalalakihan at magpalaglag ng panga sa mga kababaihang tulad ko. Topic namin ng friend ko ang pagiging yummy ni Carlo. At oo, talagang dapat ganon ang mga topic dahil kung hindi ganon, ano pang silbi ng kamustahan kung walang halong sarap ang pag-uusap? At oo uli, si Carlo ang sarap na yun. hahaha

Bakit yung mga poging papa kadalasan ang type e mga poging fafas din?

Sabi ko, ayaw ko na nga sa mga simpleng yummy lang tulad ni Carlo. Gusto ko yung may roughness. Kasi aanhin mo ang Carlo kung hindi ka man lang paparanasin ng force? Sya kasi yung tipong gentle, naman!! ayaw ko nun. Kailangan ng konting roughness, mga asphyxia. Mga ganyan ang recipe para sa masarap na ano, pag-uusap.

Kaya lang bakit ganon? Usually mga lalakeng may roughness e yung mga mukang rough ang facade?

O diba minsan tuloy kakainis ng maging babae. Buti na lang gay din ako inside and out at buti na lang may asawa na ako. (Hi honey!!! joke lang yung kay Carlo, ayaw ko dun. Indi pogi un.)

So ayun, balik daydream na lang ako kay Carlo Sawit. kasi pogi nya talaga and sa tingin ko, naimbento yung word na delicious nung pinanganak sya.

Hay ang landi ko. Hahaha

Alam na ng lahat na halos mamatay-matay ka na sa pagpapanggap na ok ka pa pag nasa opisina ka. Stress kaliwat-kanan ang nararamdaman mo. Gusto mo ng sumuko pero masyadong madaming bayarin at mga kautangan kaya naman hala sige, kayod kabayo ka pa din (hindi ako ito!) para may swellduhin ka na naman sa sweldo nyo.

Kaya nga gumawa ako ng mga simpleng tips para naman maiwasan ang stress sa buhay mo sa.

Kung gusto mong lumigaya sa pagtatrabaho, follow these simple steps:

1. Make up your mind to feel good at work…

Para ma-attain ito, pumetiks. Oo, pumetiks. Dahil wala ng sasarap pa sa buhay sa office kundi ang makipagchikahan at tumayo-tayo habang nakikita ang mga kasama mong subsob sa trabaho. Pwede ding kumain sa pantry ng mga 3 oras o kaya mag cr every 5 minutes, kunwari may LBM

2. Maintain good and friendly relationships with your boss and colleagues…

Wag tatangkain kung ang boss mo ay may galit sayo, bagkus, inisin pa sya lalo sa pamamagitan ng pag SL kada Biyernes at Lunes. At para naman sa mga kasamahan sa trabaho, kung kasundo mo, yayain pumunta sa mall, kung hindi, patirin sa elevator

3. Remember that your work provides much (if not all) of your necessities and luxuries…

kaya mag-uwi na ng mga office supplies para kina Jun-Jun, Ging-Ging, Ning-Ning at Bantay. Mag print ng kung ano-anong kalokohan sa printer pati na din resume (mga 25 copies!). Iuwi din ang mga tissues dahil mahirap ang makaramdam ng sakit ng tyan habang nasa daan at wala kang panyo.

4. Keep in mind the services you are providing people through your work…

Kung pepetiks ka, syempre wala kang magiging production. Pero oks lang yun kasi at least hindi na mahihirapan yung taga gawa nyo ng report sa pag compute kung ilan ba ang production nyo for the day. Be mindful sa trabaho ng iba! Wag maging gahaman sa production. Kailangan ang team spirit dito. Kung hindi bobonus ang isa, pucha, dapat lahat hindi bobonus. Dapat ganyan ang motto mo sa sarili mo.

5. Challenge yourself at work…

Gaano katagal ang kaya mo na chumika ng walang hingahan? Gaano kahaba ang kaya mong i-allot sa pagche-check ng facebook at kung ano-anong pm sa yahoo mo? Gaano katagal ang kaya mong i-overbreak? Challenge yourself.

6. Concentrate on the good things about your job…

..kung meron man. isipin mo ang mga walang humpay na tawanan nyong magkakaopisina sa mga jokes ng bawat-isa. Sa mga ballpen na nauwi mo at sa mga stabilo na pinipilit mong dekwatin. Isipin mo ang mga masasayang lakwatsa sa mall every 7pm kahit ang shift mo ay 3-12am.

7. Do more than you are paid to do…

Eto katarantaduhang tip to. Wag gagawin to.

8. Adopt the “this is my company” attitude…

kaya kahit anong gawin mo ay ok lang. Kahit may dress code, dedmahin. Kahit may attendance record dedmahin din. Mas masayang ma-late at mag sl. Mas masarap tumambay at magpa cute sa mga crush mo sa ibang department at mas lalong mas masaya chumika at mag table hopping. Pag may sumita, sabihin mo THIS IS MY COMPANY. Pag pinaalala sayong hindi mo to kumpanya, sabihin mo ULUL PAKYU!

9. Often, the secret to enjoying your job is not to change your job but to change your attitude. KAYA WAG MAGING WORKAHOLIC!!!!

So hala sige, petiks!

I just fucking received a call today informing me that I can’t transfer to the team that I applied for because I still have to render a 30-day turn-over period in my team before transferring to their team and that unfortunately, they need to fill the position ASAP.

What actually pissed me off is the fact that I was given the assurance that the fucking job is as good as mine.

I sent an email to the manager and I told him that I’m quite disappointed that I didn’t get the job. I mean c’mon. Giving me the reason that it’s an urgent position and that since I need to render a 30-day period I no longer qualify is just too absurd for words.

I mean c’mon. I’ve been trying my best to get the hell out of where I am and this is what I got in return? Jesus!

And now I have to pray and ask for forgiveness for using the name of the Lord in vain.

Dammit.

My feelings usually go down the drain everytime the clouds turn gray. I guess that’s one of the downside of being a sunny person – your cheerfulness usually ends when the sun stop shining.

: (

Last Saturday was my birthday. I have the opportunity to live in this sinful world for 27 years and still counting. Thank you Lord.

As for the party? Well, I asked my college friends to go at my place to drink vodka until they pass out. We started at around 3 pm and end by 7am the next day.

Sad to say, by 5 am, I am already deep in slumber in the comfort room, puking my intestines out.

And yes, it was a blast.

Thanks to all who came and to those who didn’t, well, you lost the chance to have your innards wander around in the waste bin. Hahaha :p

Cheers!

Lasing lasing lasing. hehe

I just can’t help myself from posting this beautiful poem by Christina Rossetti.

The first time I read this was when I was in grade 4 and I love it eversince.

REMEMBER me when I am gone away,   

Gone far away into the silent land;   

When you can no more hold me by the hand,   

Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.   

Remember me when no more day by day 

You tell me of our future that you plann'd:   

Only remember me; you understand   

It will be late to counsel then or pray.   

Yet if you should forget me for a while   

And afterwards remember, do not grieve:

For if the darkness and corruption leave   

A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,   

Better by far you should forget and smile   

Than that you should remember and be sad. 

I always have this fascination with Hollywood celebrities simply because almost all of them look like gods and goddesses from our time. Well, that is if you don’t even know how much procedure they did from top to bottom and in between and how much botox they inject in any part of their bodies (I read somewhere Beyonce had botox injected in her foot so there will be no more pain from wearing too high heels. Ick.) and how much food they purge and how much coke they have to snort just to maintain their looks. Oh well, I’m superficial so these things really don’t affect my fascination towards these beauties.

Anyway, as far as I can tell, Hollywood celebrities are the only people who keeps my fascination at the extreme. I don’t really like our local actors because hey – their local and I don’t really know most of the newbies.

During my dinner break guess who I saw – Richard Gutierrez. He is literally a god. He looks like a marble statue (must be because of those glutha thingy they take or whatevs) and he really has that certain appeal that can literally drag your panties down (since I always make sure I use panties with garters in it). I was in awe. Drooling is not the word I’ll use to describe what I’m doing at that time when I saw him.

I used to think that if ever I saw some local artista, I’ll just walk as if I didn’t see anything special (except for Maricel Soriano!) but then again, I guess I’m eating my own words now. Yum yum.

I’m standing in line with my mouth hanging open. He’s literally in front of me. People around me are buzzing to and fro about how cute Richard is. Well he is damn cute! I’m literally holding my panties so it won’t fall off or rather so I won’t take it off in front of him.

He smells like heaven. You know the feeling that even though you haven’t in your life tasted any Indian guys or girls before and when you tasted something that tasted like curry and someone asks you how it tasted you simply say: It taste like Indian? Well that’s how I know that he smells like heaven.

So while still in line, I seize the opportunity and get all my courage to say hello to him. He looked at me in his brown eyes and said hello back. Ha!

As if I’m not that desperate enough I tried to tell him how cute he is in his last movie. He asked me what movie I saw and I told him its Halimaw Sa Banga. All I got from him is a smirk and a heavenly smile and then he took his coffee and out of the store.

Damn. I just remembered that it’s Kambal Tuko and not Halimaw Sa Banga. Seriously, Halimaw Sa Banga? What the hell is wrong with me??!!!