No matter how many times you try to convince yourself that you can do whatever it is that you know you can’t do, at the end of the day or maybe even at the end of the week, you will realize that whatever it is your saying is simply a big fat lie. And yes, it may take you a week to realize how bad you are at lying to yourself or maybe a month tops, but the bottom line is, you will realize. YOU WILL DAMN REALIZE.
Your mind can only take so much of your lying. Sooner or later all your optimism will evaporate thus resulting to the pessimistic tendencies you never knew you had. All of us have that tendency, an inner monster waiting to be release. And I am not being optimistic here, just simply stating the truth.
Unknown to yourself, your act of convincing (deep in your heart you really know the word should be lying) is simply an act, and yes, it will remain an act – and a lousy act at that. After a few phasing, after a few scenes, all acts must end. The conclusion will either be good or unhappy ending, whichever suits the director; but you know as the manager of the performance, deep in your cynical heart, you’ll love it if the end will be unhappy because, unhappy ending is really hard to top.
You will try to stir a few audience on your piece on why things should be the way it should be, but no one will listen, because bad liars doesn’t attract good audience. Only the best liars get the best audience. And you will be stuck in your little dark corner full of hatred and confusion, asking yourself where the hell did you went wrong. You think and think and think, but the answer will never come. Tough luck mate. Fucking tough luck.
Then you’ll understand, everything happened simply because you gave up on yourself a long time ago. A long, long time ago. Back when your dreams are worth every tears and sweat. Back when you are still honest to yourself. And you know you’ll never be able to reach whatever dreams you had, and you’ll try to move on, and you’ll try to let go, it may help you in your long journey to the right path someday, but you’ll always know, that the dreams of yesterday will only remain a dream of the past – just because you lied.
