I look beat – from lack of sleep and too much stress from having to spend my days with people who literally make my blood boil. Damn I feel I’ve been threading in the deep unknown water for the longest time, and no, my staying-up-late-because-I’m-reading excuse is the only reason why I still have my head intact. At least my mind gets to be in a place where monsters from the place which must not be named can’t enter.
I’ve been trying to persuade myself that I can do this – meaning, I can wait a few months before taking the exit and scream FREEDOM at the top of my lungs; that I can just flip the finger at those jerks who literally try to make my day a living hell – DAILY. And yes, there are more of them than you can imagine.
But who am I kidding?
The pay here albeit not much to cover the finances and even my luxuries can undoubtedly suffice in helping us pay our bills and you know, help me buy things I want for myself (most of the time.). I know money will never be a good motivation but for me, I guess, as far as I can say, it’s the only thing that keeps me going. Honestly, it’s pretty much the only thing that keeps me sane. Sad to say, we don’t get pay much and everyday is not a payday for us, so motivation shmotivation.
I tried going out and look for other alternative, but again, they wont pay me much.
I’ve been trying hard to resist the temptation to slack off and drift to LalaLand everyday just to confuse myself. Yes, confusion is only one of the things I try to do to my mind to help me in my daily nightmares. Then there’s also persuasion – but that gets old after a few tries. Day dreaming is only done every once a month since who the hell in their right mind can dream good dreams from a place where I am right now? Imagination is such a bitch.
I guess I just have to imaging I’m in a good place right now right?
Ok…
I am my own self. It’s daytime. The sun is out and shining, I love the sun and the warmth it brings. I guess I have to be in my short shorts and tank top since I have to be in the garden full of flowers and the only way to appreciate that garden and feel that you’re a part of it is to wear short shorts and tank top. Both in pink. I don’t like the color pink, but I guess I have to look like I’m one of the flowers in the garden, so yeah, pink it is.
Walking barefoot is a plus, so I guess I just have to take off my sandals. Wow.. the ground is so soft but its not muddy. I can feel the summer through the warmth of the soil. I can feel the breeze that shouts flowers, birds, butterflies, streams… It is such a nice day outside.
Walking barefoot in the warm ground wearing pink short shorts and a pink tank top sure have its perks. Butterflies seem to be at ease of my presence that they flutter around me. Even birds try to sing to me their sweetest song that makes me hum… I guess I know the song at heart…
There are a lot of flowers that extends their beautifulness in the sun. Looking up and waiting to be plucked. I picked one up and I can swear that it smiled at me and winked. I put it in the corners of my ears. I feel like a fairy. A lovely pink fairy indeed.
I tried walking but instead of seeing myself walk, I couldn’t help but smile because what I did was far more amazing than just walking. I think I’m gliding – and such a sight it is. Gliding barefoot in pink with a flower tucked in the corner of my ear, I can hear the buzzing of the busy bees, the laughter of the flowers, the whispers of the streams. It is such a lovely day to be out in the sun and play with the birds and laugh and laugh and laugh.
Then suddenly, the witch passed beside me and my daydream is over.
Screw the dream, I need to get back to work.
Hugs.